Brandon Johnson: Head Up His Ass or Just Stupid?
Look, I’m not a doctor, but when a man watches Chicago spiral into chaos and his response is to double down on the exact policies making it worse, you have to ask the tough question: Is Mayor Brandon Johnson’s head simply wedged so far up his own ass that he can’t see daylight, or is he genuinely… not the sharpest tool in the shed?
Let’s be fair. The man campaigned like a true visionary. “Equity!” he shouted. “Justice!” he proclaimed. “We don’t need more police, we need more social workers!” Fast forward a couple years and Chicago has turned into a real-life game of How Bad Can One City Get? — now with extra migrants, tent cities, and a side of smash-and-grab retail therapy.
The Crime Symphony
While carjackings and smash-and-grabs became Chicago’s newest tourist attractions, Brandon was busy explaining that crime is actually a cry for help. The criminals heard him loud and clear. They cried all the way to the next stolen catalytic converter. Meanwhile, the mayor’s solution appears to be more meetings, more task forces, and more finger-pointing at everyone except the people actually committing felonies.
Brilliant. Truly groundbreaking stuff. Nothing says “tough on crime” like pretending it doesn’t exist while your residents install bars on their bars.
The Migrant Masterclass
Then there’s the migrant situation. Chicago welcomed thousands with open arms and zero plan. The result? Overwhelmed shelters, pissed-off neighborhoods, and Brandon Johnson demanding billions from everyone else because compassion.
Nothing says “compassionate leader” like turning police stations into makeshift hotels and then acting shocked when actual residents start wondering why their tax dollars fund everything except basic city services. But sure, keep calling critics racists. That always fixes shelter capacity.
Budgeting Like a Teenager With Dad’s Credit Card
Taxes up. Spending up. Results? Down. It’s the progressive trifecta. Brandon Johnson’s approach to budgeting seems to be: If it sounds good in a press release and involves “investing in communities,” throw money at it. Schools failing? More money. Streets full of potholes? More money. People fleeing the city? Definitely more money.
The results speak for themselves: record budget deficits paired with record levels of cope.
So… Head Up His Ass or Just Stupid?
I’m starting to think it’s a deadly combination of both. The ideology is lodged so deep it functions as a permanent blindfold, and the man himself seems uniquely unqualified to run a city this size. Every time reality smacks him in the face, he responds with another speech about systemic racism and how we all need to do better.
Chicagoans are doing better — many by moving to red states where mayors understand that “public safety” means actual police, not vibes and therapy circles.
Brandon, if you’re reading this (doubtful, since reading might require removing your head from its current location), here’s some free advice: Chicago doesn’t need another lecture. It needs competent governance. Stop hugging criminals, stop pretending defund-adjacent policies are working, and maybe — just maybe — try leading instead of virtue-signaling.
Or don’t. The “Head Up His Ass” tour is entertaining in a watching a slow-motion train wreck kind of way. Just don’t be surprised when the voters eventually decide they’ve had enough of the circus.
What do you think, Chicago? Head up his ass, or just stupid? Drop your vote in the comments. I’ll wait.
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